the New Pantagruel: Hymns in the Whorehouse: “Winner comments briefly on the problem of taking this “sexy” model of sex into marriage. Unfortunately she fails to realize that–married or not–it is a problem not chiefly because it creates false expectations or works against the stability of marriage by inclining people toward adultery with the idea that unstable, extramarital sex is the most gratifying. The most common and most damaging consequence of the “sexy-unstable” model among married and committed, monogamous couples is that their efforts to sustain it will induce in them the behavior of addicts. C. S. Lewis wrote about “the itch for repetition” on several occasions. When you become obsessed with controlling an experience ”doing X to get Y result” over and over again, it turns sex, chocolate, alcohol, or any other thing into pornography. With regard to relational experiences like sex, the addict destroys the relational aspect and engages in narcissistic autoeroticism. The prevalence of this practice and notion of sex is bound up with the idea that marriage is primarily founded in mutual affection stripped of any tie to fecundity and a logical, normative end in childrearing and family life. Oddly this same sexual ethic unites gay marriage proponents and many, if not most, of their staunchest opponents.
Here Winner makes a serious mistake by assuming, like most Christians today, that the source of the instability ingredient in the very Dionysian “sexiest sex” is the lack of an established, permanent relationship. She is also wrong to imply that there is something intrinsically morally compromising about this “Dionysian” element and that it doesn’t belong in marriage, which has a highly “Apollonian” character.”